Orlistat: Emergency Contraception For Fat

First, a quick thankyou to regular readers of this blog for your patience. Some of you may have noticed I have taken a breather from writing. I apologize if I was missed ... but I'm still not sure there's too much danger of that yet!

As this is somewhat of a comeback and I know people are starved for sarcastic rhetoric, I thought I'd choose a soft target for today's slaughter. Orlistat, or "alli" as this obesity pill is known commercially is now available for sale over the counter in the UK.

Yes folks, not only can you purchase emergency contraception from your friendly pharmacist for those remorseful morning afters when you realise a baby isn't convenient, but now when you eat your favourite treats, you can bind that pesky fat and block it from being absorbed by your body. Pizza prophylactic if you will.

Of course there's a small price to pay. A little gas, maybe some diarrhoea (did I spell that right?). But the drug company that manufactures the pill has actual clinical trials that say that adding orlistat to "a reduced calorie, lower fat diet" can help people lose 50% more weight than dieting alone! How cool is that? Statistical vindication by double-blind studies no less.

Man ... I actually don't know where to start on this one. Even such salubrious institutions as the Royal College of GP's don't seem to see anything more wrong with this mentality than side-effects. They suggest this remedy should be used with "support and dietary advice". There's sage counsel indeed!

Gas and diarrhoea ... that folks is a tip off that your digestive system is complaining. Then I suppose I should talk about this current fetish for low fat. Hasn't anyone of these highly qualified geniuses seen a correlation between "low fat" and obesity. Isn't obesity unprecedented because of refined carbohydrates and chemically altered fats? Or should I become a nutritionist first before I have enough credibility to voice the unspeakable?

The Royal Pharmaceutical Society "welcomed the drug" according to a report by the BBC. Which I guess pretty much sums up where we're at. The real concern is not to teach people how to take care of themselves. That's way too complicated and profoundly naive of me, I know.

The real concern is not even to alleviate suffering. No ... what really drives this is money. Money for the company that manufactured this miracle of modern pharmaceutical technology. And money that the NHS would inevitably have to fork out down the road when people guzzling man-made "food" become dependant on even more miracle drugs, sooner than expected.

So great news for epicurians! You can now have drunken reckless intercourse without consequence and we can continue to eat whatever we choose, so long as we have access to counselling and a qualified custodian controlling availablity. After all, it's not your fault!